I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I currently don't understand fingers.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
