I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
