I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
