This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
