Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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