she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
