Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Randomize
