And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
