A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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