this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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