If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
