So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
