Pants 0. Shit 1.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
