At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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