dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
