I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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