How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sext me about skeletons
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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