oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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