somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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