what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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