stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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