Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
