You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
