you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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