she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
