Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
