He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
