tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
