i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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