So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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