he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
