Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
