Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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