new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
