I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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