What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
