is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
