So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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