I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
