The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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