Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
