Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
