Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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