you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
