So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
