My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
