smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Floor bacon is actually really good
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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