got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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