The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
