Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
