I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your dad touched me again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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