It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this boner is exhausting
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
