I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
